Always on Edge
As I write this, I'm sitting at a beautiful Bed and Breakfast in Cape Cod, Massachusetts. I've always wanted to come here in the Fall. I'm thankful that I'm able to travel with my wife and experience fun things.
Remember that scene in the comedy classic "What About Bob?" when Dr. Leo Marvin tells Bob to take a vacation from his problems? Not a vacation from his work, or his day to day life, but a vacation from his problems. What a novel idea. Wouldn't that be nice? If you've seen the movie, you know how that turned out. Anyway, that's the thing about life and dealing with a loved one with a horrible disease like dementia. You can't take a vacation from your problems. You're always on edge. Even if you physically get away from the situation for a little bit, you haven't really "gotten away." It's on your mind always. The phone could ring any moment with news. You know "news." You keep living life, trying to move forward. The motivational posts on social media tell you to leave the past behind...move forward. How can you leave the past behind, when you have been chained to the worst snapshot of the past possible and can't even chew your arm off to relieve you of the bondage? Ok, now I'm just sounding selfish right? You're right, we need to love our neighbors as ourselves...and especially our family. My dad's sick. I shouldn't think these thoughts. I shouldn't want it to be over...but I do. Someone told me the other day how nice it is that at least my dad is still around. Not really, it's not that nice. It's horrible actually. I hate that my dad is stuck. I hate that my mom is stuck. We have to be strong because everybody is watching us. We're Christians you know and Christians act a certain way. Meanwhile here we live on the edge.
Oh yeah, that's my bicycle helmet floating down the water here in Cape Cod. The wind was really strong today. -Chad Bozarth