Am I Doing Ok?
Life really does go on, even if you think it shouldn’t. Surely the norms of life should stop, at least for a respectable time after an ordeal that changed your life forever. But, alas, it does not stop. You look around and see people living their lives as if nothing has happened. “What should they be doing?” You probe your befuddled reasoning, it was a foolish thought you conclude.
Perhaps that is the plan. Life and lives must move on and the choice is up to you whether to tentatively move back in or stay on the sidelines nursing the temptation to self-pity, self-indulgence and self-absorption. Now any reasonable person willingly gives the grief-stricken a certain amount of time to ‘break out’ of the feelings of anguish but how do you know when you are personally ready for this ‘breaking out party?” Trial and error; “… a way of achieving an aim or solving a problem by trying different methods and learning from your mistakes.” You try something (and it may turn into a trial) and ultimately be an error but at least you’ll have a better gauge as to where you are on this on-going path of discovery and recovery.
I have personally engaged in this trial and error method and found it to be quite advantageous as I grasp for truth amid this volatile voyage. I regularly turn my eyes to heaven and ask God very personal questions; “Am I doing okay?” “Am I processing appropriately?” “Am I moving at the right speed toward acceptance of this new (albeit, unsolicited) life?” Answers are not forthcoming but rather a subtle sense of well-being that engulfs me and I instinctively know I will keep moving forward…that’s enough for today.
The stanza from this easily identified prayer, “Give us this day our daily bread…” now takes on a new and poignant meaning.
“Am I doing okay?” “Yes,” for this moment, I’m okay and that is enough.