They delivered more equipment to my house today...equipment that may be needed if he chokes or can't breathe. Our bedroom looks more like an emergency room or war zone than our bedroom. I attempted to focus as the young man tried to explain the workings of these new added devices to my already overflowing arsenal of helps.
I couldn't help but wonder what this young man was thinking as he methodically went through the steps of these potentially life saving devices. It's not that he was rude in any way but just detached. Of course he was detached, how can you be anything but detached from a situation that does not personally affect you on every level of your life? I didn't resent him...I momentarily wanted to BE him...detached, uninvolved, not moved by the harrowing circumstances that precipitated the need for these devices. I was overwhelmed at the thought of actually having to use these things. I'm not a nurse, I didn't sign up for this life saving course...I want to run, to escape, to have someone come and rescue me!
The reality that a rescuer is not coming is excruciatingly painful and frightening. I HAVE to do this, I can't escape, it's my responsibility, my duty, my call, if you will. I will not give in to the despair that tries to encompass me...I will tackle the issues one at a time.
A new resolve envelops me and I shake off the cobwebs of fatigue and press forward to the next thing that needs to be done. And then quietly and soberly I realize it is not about me but about him; caring for him, giving him a sense of security, letting him know that in his helpless state, I am right by his side.
Our strength is never measured in the calm waters of life but rather in the tumultuous churning of the relentless waves; treading water becomes a temporary lifestyle. The strength to keep our heads above the water is God's gift of provision in the midst of the storm. A #1 song from the late 60's, written by Paul Simon, entitled Bridge Over Troubled Waters, has lyrics that speak comfort to the drowning soul. Simon referred to it as, “a modest gospel hymn." The words, as a reminder:
When you're weary, feeling small
When tears are in your eyes,
I will dry them all
I'm on your side
When times get rough
And friends just can't be found
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down...
Three take aways: